So here's what I don't get, about myself: a gander back through this here blaugh will show you just what a sunny optimist I am (not), yet, when there's the possibility of Fame and Fortune in the offing (see previous post), I always expect the grandest outcome. I've been working on my award acceptance speech and spending my vast book advance, despite the fact that I know the chances of The Shark liking Nine Days enough to make me an offer of representation are roughly forty-seven trillion to one. I should, instead, be bracing myself emotionally for how to handle the rejection, when it comes. Yet, I never do that. I always assume people will be so very impressed with the things I do that they couldn't POSSIBLY not want to shower me with wealth and adoration, and then, when the inevitable happens, I'm crushed. CRUSHED. Even though I often accuse myself of being only very marginally talented (and really believe it; I'm honestly not faking the self-hatred for effect). Is it some kind of first-born child thing? Am I a psychopath? What's the deal?
Why ‘coming out’ matters
4 hours ago
The tender ego/low self-esteem thing seems really, really familiar (which doesn't mean I'm not a first-born psychopath, but maybe we could give each other the benefit of the doubt?), so I'm thinking you're a writer.
ReplyDeleteAnd a damned good one, too, from what little I've seen---if you don't mind a total stranger saying so.
Aw, thanks, Sarah.
ReplyDeleteWhat you're expecting is that others will think as highly of what you've done as you do. What you might find interesting is if, instead of outright rejection, you get an intelligent comment on making some changes. The "this person likes it but thinks it could be better" experience is a very positive alternative to the heaven/hell, yes/no binary you're setting yourself up for.
ReplyDeleteHaving just been turned down by dozens of publishers for a book I know damn well would have been good, I understand the crushing despair part. But you ain't there yet. Sorry.
It's just a personal oddity I find puzzling. I'm generally very pessimistic, yet I have this completely illogical capacity to build castles when the air when it's the remotest possibility. Self, you make me laugh.
ReplyDelete